Dangermouse Christmas Special Hosted Show Form
by Ray Coon
Summary: This is my first fic to this site. It's in the form of a TV show. I hope this will work. It is a form of fanfic but it might not be accepted. Sorry if it isn't to be accepted. Please R and R.Ginger belongs to LeeSabrina and Judas belong to Sabretooth Kitt


(Everyone is standing outside Greenback's door wearing Christmas hats. It is snowing and Greenback is watching as everyone sings. Tayra pretends to conduct with her fingers as they do)

Everyone: (singing to Greenback) _On the fifth day of Christmas, my friend gave to me_

_5 Gold Medals_

_4 funny antics_

_3 cowardly hamsters_

_2 main villains_

And Greenback whose big scrooge 

(Just as Kim is approaching with the money hat, Greenback slams the door on all of them)

Aquila: Greenback!  
Dangermouse: It's Christmas

Spongey: Come on!

(Opening credits. When they finish, Tayra is sitting there on a Christmassy sofa and a very sexy Christmas outfit combined with a Christmas hat)

Tayra: Hello, Christmas Lovers and Dangermouse Lovers! Welcome to the _Dangermouse Christmas Fun Special Show!_ I am your host, Tayra the Bat!

(Cheering is heard)  
Tayra: We're celebrating Christmas with our best _Christmas Special_ yet!

(Ginger walks in)  
Ginger: So what are we going to start with?  
Tayra: We'll let our little…very little…friend known as Penfold decide!

(A door in the ceiling opens and Penfold drops onto the sofa)

Penfold: Thanks, Tayra. Now it is time for the lucky name dip. Now then…

(He reaches into it and pulls out…a red Santa hat)  
Penfold: Hey! My Santa hat! I was wondering where this was!

(He puts it on. He then reaches into the box and pulls out a slip of paper)  
Penfold: The first performance is…(Drum roll) Lee's, Tuker's and Ginger's Joke-a-thon!  
(Clapping is heard as Lee, and Tuker walk in. Tayra shakes hands with the two of them)

Tayra: Now let's see you guys with your jokes!  
Tuker: Have you ever seen those really bad jokes? I mean the _really_ bad ones?

(Everyone nods. Dangermouse grins in the audience)  
Dangermouse: (Pointing at Penfold) Penfold says them all the time!

(Everyone laughs while Penfold Sweatdrops)

Lee: But don't worry, we have a new bunch of jokes. They're filthy, funny and…

Aquila: (warningly) Lee…  
Lee: (Rolls her eyes) They're not so filthy, but they're funny and comical

(Everyone cheers)  
Ginger: Let's begin!

(Lights that have the colour of 'Comedy' come on)

Lee: This little riddle will get you going…which candle burns longer? Red or Green?

(Everyone puzzles over this…Wufgang decides to answer)  
Wufgang: Uh…red?

Ginger: No, silly! None of them longer, they both burn shorter!

(Laughter is heard as Crumhorn elbows Wufgang off his seat)

Tuker: Okay, this is a limerick I wrote up myself. Hope you enjoy it  
there was once was a guy named Santa  
Who liked to have a little Banta  
With the toy elves

That lay on his shelves

That crazy old guy named Santa

(Everyone laughs, including Tayra)

Ginger: Now, everyone knows that there are 3 stages of life and I have found them

You believe in Santa Claus

You don't believe in Santa Claus

You are Santa clause

(Everyone looks at Greenback who has a white beard)  
Greenback: What?

Lee: Now, this is a joke that would definitely make Leatherhead laugh on Boxing Day!  
Ginger: How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing Day?

(After a while)

Tayra: We don't know

Tuker: Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve.  
(Everyone but Leatherhead laughs)  
Leatherhead: I don't get it…

Ginger: You will on Boxing Day, Leatherhead!

(Everyone laughs)  
Lee: We will back later with more jokes!  
(Everyone claps)

Tayra: Okay, the next person to decide who is next is…(Looks at a sheet of paper) Dr. Augustus Crumhorn!

(Crumhorn walks in)  
Tayra: Pick it, Crumhorn!  
(The Goblet of Fire that had obviously been stolen from Professor Dumbledore is pushed in)  
JK Rowling: (runs in) we're suing! (Runs out)  
Tayra: (Sweatdrops) Uh…we'll worry about that later…

Crumhorn: And the next thing is…Tayra and Sabrina's interviews!  
Tayra: What! (Sweatdrops) fine…the first person we're interviewing is the big guy himself…SANTA CLAUS!

(Everyone claps as Santa walks in. He shakes hands with Tayra and says 'Merry Christmas' in many different languages before sitting down to be interviewed)

Tayra: Okay Santa…I am letting people in their seats ask first…you…Seat 66

Stiletto: Yeah, I noticed that if you re-arrange your name, it spells Satan!

(A few people nod)  
Santa: Oh that. I work for hell when I'm not making toys.

Tally: And it means that you should also get a life, Stiletto

(A few people laugh while Stiletto blushes)

Tayra: (smiles) Seat 15?

Spongey: How come most of the toys you make say 'Made in china'?  
Santa: I want to keep my location a secret…

Spongey: But everyone knows that you live in the North Pole! Thanks to the commercialism  
(Everyone chuckles)

Tayra: (Trying not to laugh) Seat 199  
Larynxa: Why do you have so many different names?  
Santa: Uh…I'm trying to hide my identity so the press won't bother me…

Larynxa: Believe me…that technique doesn't work  
(Everyone cracks up)

Sabrina: (walking in) I agree with Larynxa  
Tayra: Where the hell have you been!

Sabrina: Just didn't want to interview Fatty Noel. (Looks at Santa) You could stand to lose a few pounds.

Tayra: Sabrina, you grinch!

Santa: Well, it was nice coming on the show…but I don't think I should stick around…the cat doesn't seem to want me here…(Looks up) Merry Christmas Everybody!  
(Everyone cheers as he vanishes in red smoke)

Sabrina: (Bored) Okay. The next person is the Man of Icicles…and a very famous Myth…Jack Frost!

(Jack Frost waves at the audience as he walks in. He appears to be wearing a suit made of snow. He walks up and attempts to kiss Sabrina on the hand But Sabrina pulls away quickly. But Tayra allows him to kiss her hand before he sits down to be interviewed)

Tayra: Thanks for coming, Jack. Never mind Grinch Girl (Gestures toward Sabrina)

Jack Frost: It's a pleasure to be on the show, Tayra.

Tayra: So tell us, Jack. What do you do?

Jack Frost: I used to make those lovely patterns you see on Windows and leaves. Winter Mornings are my specialty.

Tayra: But it must have been difficult to make patterns on windows and leaves on half of the world…in one Night every night in the winter season. You have a much more detailed job than Santa Claus.

Jack Frost: it was very difficult for me…but when Industry was invented, I just employed people…made my job a lot easier.

Sabrina: Clever that. Here's a good question for you…(Chuckles) how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

(Everyone laughs but Jack Frost appears unfazed and a little bored)

Jack Frost: 63…I've been asked that one too many times…

(Everyone laughs again)

Tayra: Oh, a seat question! Seat 62?  
Dangermouse: Yes, you see. Someone made a movie where a man died in a car-crash and came back as a snowman. He had a son and it was a family film. Why do you think it was made with your name?

Jack Frost: It was to stop naïve people such as aliens from getting scared of me. Although I am not evil or good. Naïve people think I am evil so they made that movie to re-assure…ridiculous I say

(A door in the ceiling opens and drops Quarg next to Jack Frost)

Quarg: we're too naïve, ey!  
(Quarg brutally beats up Jack Frost)  
Tayra: Ouch! (Peers through her hands over her eyes) Is it over?

Sabrina: Looks like he's unconscious (Looks up) hey, Tayra…

Tayra: Yeah?

(Sabrina shows her a very hypnotic ring. Tayra stares, transfixed)

Sabrina: (Smiling evilly) Stare into the ring, Tayra…stare closely into it…you are feeling sleepy…very, very sleepy…

Tayra: No. I'm n…(Falls asleep)

Sabrina: When I snap my fingers, you will say something stupid every time I say 'I Scream for Ice Cream' (Snaps fingers) Awaken!

Tayra: (wakes up) …ot sleepy at all…you and your dumb attempts to escape…hypnotising me won't work, Sabrina! Now then…onto the next thing…the person to decide next is…GINGER!  
Ginger: Thanks, Tayra. Now then…

(She casts a fire spell and the names 'Tally and Leon' appear in the flame)

Ginger: Tally and Leon!  
(Tally and Leon walk in from the audience, they then grin and wave)

Tayra: So what are you two planning, Tally?

Tally: We are planning to do a small act with puppets…DM puppets…of Penfold and Amy here…it's actually based around Penfold…a little Christmas romance

AmyElizabeth: (Whispering to Penfold) Good on you, Penfold  
(She hugs him as Tally and Leon get in a puppet cubicle)

Leon: (As Penfold) Where could she be? I want her back…she promised to be back for Christmas…The tree is bare…I do not want to start without her…I love her…but when will she return…when will I see her again…death from the crash wouldn't stop her love…would it?

(A very cute and angelic puppet of AmyElizabeth appears)

Tally: (As AmyElizabeth) Penfold…it never did stop me…I am going to be the angel on your tree this Christmas…I love you Penfold

Leon: (As Penfold) Amy…please don't leave me again…

Tally: (As AmyElizabeth) I won't, Penfold…never again

(The too puppets hug and everyone claps)

Tally: (Coming out of the cubicle) We believe that Amy's love for Penfold is like an angel…an angel that still loves from beyond death…give the Penfold and Amy a round of applause folks

(Everyone claps while Amy and Penfold both blush, smile and wave)

Tally: Thanks everyone!

Leon: And Merry Christmas!  
(They walk back to their seats)

Tayra: Now, that was a show that touched my heart…that is why Christmas is about love and family…now who is next to decide

(She spins a huge fortune wheel and it lands on Aquila)  
Tayra: (Friendly an joking about) Aquila…get your backside down here so you can choose!  
(Aquila grins. Tayra pulls out a pinball machine. Aquila pulls it back and lets go. The ball lands onto the names 'Kim and Woodruff')

Aquila: well now…Kim and Woodruff are our next performers

(Kim and Woodruff walk in and smile)

Kim: Hello, dear audience…

Woodruff: Today, we will be re-enacting the old 'Grinch vs. Santa Fight'

(Everyone cheers)

Kim: I am the Grinch  
(She pulls on a Grinch Costume)  
Kim: And Woody is Santa

(Woodruff puts on a white beard, Santa hat and a red suit. He blushes a bit)  
Woodruff: Enjoy the show!

(The re-enactment opens)

Woodruff: (as Santa) I won't let this happen again! I want people to be happy! You are not going to stop that!

Kim: (As the Grinch) You won't beat me! I am the Grinch! Muhahahahahahahah!

Woodruff: (As Santa) We'll see about that!

Kim: (As the Grinch) Everyone thinks I am you!  
(Woodruff then picks up Kim and throws her. She bounces off the wall and lands on her feet)  
Kim: (As the Grinch) I never lose. Everyone thinks I am you. Thanks to the suit I made.

Woodruff: (As Santa) Fine…I'll just sue you then!

Kim: (As the grinch) Wait a minute…you can't do this to me!  
Woodruff: (As Santa) You've committed Copyright Infringement…I'll see you in court!

(He walks off-stage. Kim takes off her Grinch Costume)

Kim: There is a moral to this…

Woodruff: (Walking in and taking off his Santa Costume) Never impersonate Santa…especially if you hate Christmas

Kim: Merry Christmas, Everyone!  
(They walk back into the audience as everyone claps)

Tayra: (Clapping) Very good, you two. That made me laugh and it did give a good life lesson…next up is (She has Buggles whisper in her ear) SPONGEY!

(Spongey jumps down in a series of flips and grins)

Spongey: Okay…the next person is…(She gets out a pack of cards and looks) SKETT AND AKOOT!

(Akoot and Skett run in with large grins. They are dressed up like elves. They smile and wave to the audience)

Skett: Hello and have a…

Akoot: …Good time watching this

Skett and Akoot: Let the lucky Christmas dance begin…for your entertainment and luck

(They then start. It is a very odd and entrancing dance. Everyone appears to be entranced. They dance very well. They then stop and bow. Everyone claps)

Tayra: Very good, boys. I must say. What I loved about it was…

Sabrina: I scream for Ice Cream

Tayra: (Zombie-like voice and glazed eyes) Would you guys like to wear me as a pair of trousers?

(Skett and Akoot look shocked. Bella the monkey steps forward)

Bella: I know what to do!

(She walks up and slaps Tayra very hard across the face)

Tayra: Ow! (Rubs cheek) What did you do that for! And why is everyone laughing? Anyway, what I did like about your performance was…

Sabrina: I scream for Ice cream

Tayra: (In a trance) I would like to wear your underwear as hat…

Skett: Bella, do…  
Akoot: …You mind?

(Bella slaps Tayra silly)  
Sabrina: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Tayra gets up and hits Bella away. Skett and Akoot go back to their seats)

Tayra: Right then…the next person to decide is…(The name 'Leatherhead' appears in lights)…eh…(voice gets less confident and more confused)…Leatherhead…

(Leatherhead runs in)

Leatherhead: (Runs in, pushing Tayra out of the way) Hello there, folks!

(A lot of people 'boo' at him)

Leatherhead: I came here to sell the perfect Christmas gift!

Tayra: A gun to shoot you with?

Leatherhead: No, silly! It's a talking Leatherhead doll

(He pulls a string on the back of the doll)  
Talking Leatherhead Doll: Dangermouse is such a loser!

Leatherhead: Isn't he adorable?  
Tayra: (To herself) I've seen cuter things under my claws…

(Leatherhead pulls the string again)

TLD: Judas! I am your mother's, father's, sister's, cousin's, son's nephew!

(Judas staggers in, completely drunk and holding a bottle of beer)  
Judas: Damn, Leatherhead! When the hell did you marry into my family!

Leatherhead: Last week…

Tayra: (Sweatdrops) Judas! Go away! And lay off the booze!

(Judas moans and passes out onto the floor)

Tayra: (Ignoring Judas completely) Leatherhead, could not advertise your merchandise on this show?

(Leatherhead sighs and storms off stage)

Tayra: Finally! Now to decide who's next…and who will decide next…

(She throws a dart and it lands on a board on the name '57')

Tayra: Agent 57!  
(Agent 57, who is now in the form of a red and white hedgehog walks up onto the stage)

Agent 57: (Smiles and gives a thumbs up) Okay. The next person is…

(He flips a coin and it comes up 'Tails')

Agent 57: Looks like Ellie ET's Christmas Choir is next!

(Ellie ET jumps onto the stage eagerly)

Ellie: Hello, everybody!  
(Everyone cheers)  
Ellie: This is sadly, the last performance on the show

(Everyone 'Aww's)

Ellie: But we're making it good!  
(Everyone cheers and gets on stage in order to sing as well. Dangermouse knocks out Greenback so he can't sing or get to the stage)

Tayra: This is going to be great fun!  
(The lights suddenly go out)

Sabrina: What the hell!  
(The ghost-buster theme starts playing)

Lee: I think I know what this is…those who have read my fanfic should know…

Aquila: What do you think it is, Lee?

(Lee grins mysteriously as 3 glowing figures appear. One is very short and dressed in a white cloak. One is tall and has angel wings. The last one is wearing a black cloak)  
Tayra: Ah, I see!  
(She pulls the lever, causing the lights to go back on…revealing Dangermouse in the Black, Ginger with the Angel wings and Penfold in the white cloak)

Tayra: Ah, yes! The Christmas Ghosts! Dangermouse as Christmas-to-come AKA Christmas Future, Penfold as Christmas Past and Ginger as Christmas Present! Love the threads, guys!

(The 3 'ghosts' grin and nod)  
Dangermouse: We're here to ban any scrooges…

Penfold: By bashing them in with turkeys…

(The Real Grinch, George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Bill Gates run out of the room)

Ginger: There we go…all gone…now let's do this…all together!

Ellie ET: One…two…A One, two, three…go!

Duckula: (singing beautifully) _Jingle Bells, Greenback Smells, Stiletto laid an egg, the frog's head flyer broke a tyre and Dangermouse got away!_  
Everyone: (singing) _Hey!_

Darc: _We wish you a merry season, we wish you a merry season, we wish you a merry season and a happy new year_

Everyone: _Dangermouse and beer, Dangermouse and beer, we want Dangermouse and beer so bring it right now!_

(Everyone giggles)

Ellie: This should be our last song…how about a few more instead?  
(Everyone cheers)

Julie: _Christmas is coming, Greenback is getting fat, and Please put a penny in that old villain's hat. If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do, if you haven't got a ha'penny, Then Dangermouse bless you._

(Everyone laughs)

Ellie ET: Sadly this is our last song…but we do hope you enjoyed the show…let's take it away

Tayra: _On the twelfth day of Christmas_…

Darc: _A friend gave to me_…

Dangermouse: _Twelve Million Pounds…_

Aquila: _Eleven members-a-posting_…

Spongey: _Ten devices exploding_…

Sabretooth Kitty: _Nine friends-a-joking_ …

Penfold: _Eight more Dangerous missions_…

AmyElizabeth: _Seven very cute hamsters_…

Stiletto: _Six funny punch lines_…

Larynxa: _Five Gold medals_…

Sabrina: _Four Funny antics_…

Kim: _Three scared assistants_…

Skett and Akoot: _Two main villains_…

Everyone: _And Greenback who's a big scrooge_!

Tayra: Well that's it, everybody. See you next time on the show, everybody!  
(The ending credits start as everyone starts opening presents)


End file.
